Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
