I just cut my nipple shaving
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
