Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
