Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
