A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
