He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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