Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
