Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
