Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
