I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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