Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
what day is it and did you see me today?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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