Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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