i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
