you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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