haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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