Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize