I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
