Someone shit on the floor
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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