He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
