I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
