oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
