i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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