I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Houston, we have a squirter
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize