I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
