I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
