we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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