can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize