im drinking this country out of the recession.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
