All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
