hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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