I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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