Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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