On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
