it was like his penis was on wheels.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
