What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
