Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
