Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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