Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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