3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
they need to just BURY HIM!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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