So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
