My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
