Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
