I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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