i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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