So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
