Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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