There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
