I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
