he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize