tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
