Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
