Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
