State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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