I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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