i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
