god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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