I don't think brook has ever known best
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
