Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
