JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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