i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i drank out of a bidet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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