then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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