you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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