i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
