Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
