There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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