Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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