new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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