Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
