it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
