Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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