Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
