____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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