I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
