I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
