in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
