I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
