can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
