We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I smell stomach acid.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
