I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
