i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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