SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
