I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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