GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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