I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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