return my video game
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
