oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
