you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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