woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
