Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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