They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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